Helping you cope with infertility

Coping With Fertility: New Techiniques To Cope With Emotional Challenges

by Judith Burnett, Ph.D, Jennifer Kusters, M.S., Kim McGoff, M.S., and Ruth Pearl, M.S.

At Fertility C.A.R.E we want to help you address both the physical difficulties of getting pregnant as well as cope with emotional challenges you will encounter during the process. Dr. Judy Burnett, Fertility C.A.R.E clinical reproductive psychologist, offers you these strategies to make the journey to parenthood less difficult.

Individual Coping Strategies

Here are some strategies that can work for you to help you stay calm through the fertility treatment process:

  • Engage in activities that are relaxing, provide relief, and are easy to access. Activities can include meditation, yoga, visualization, listening to music, deep breathing and progressive muscle relaxation techniques, hitting golf balls, taking walks. Take time for "little pleasures."
  • Avoid exhaustion, loss of sleep, and overwork.
  • Eat regular nourishing meals. Know your limits-both physically and emotionally-and pace yourself accordingly.
  • Become an active participant instead of a passive recipient when managing infertility and the resulting stresses.
  • Strive to develop mindfulness: appreciate the moment, maintain a here-and-now focus, increase awareness of sights, smells, sounds and touch in the moment.
  • Give yourself "permission to be." Give yourself breathing space and expect fluctuation in your mood and perspective. Allow yourself the privilege of "limping" until wounds have healed and you can learn to run again.
  • Allow time and respect the need for grief and other feelings in both yourself and your partner. Find ways to constructively communicate your feelings.
  • Engage in individual and group activities that promote mind, body and spiritual nurturing. Become part of a safe and caring community that promotes empathy, growth and mutual support.

back to top

Breathing to Release Tension

It is important to take time to deal with your stress. Stress may affect a women's production of estrogen and progesterone hormones essential for reproduction.

Breathing is a necessity of life that most people take for granted. With each breath of air, you obtain oxygen and release carbon dioxide. Breathing awareness and good breathing techniques will enhance your psychological and physical well being.

Poor breathing technique diminishes the flow of oxygen and carbon dioxide, making it harder for you to cope with stressful situations. Improper breathing contributes to anxiety, panic attacks, depression, muscle tension, headaches and fatigue.

As you learn to be aware of your breathing, practice slowing and normalizing your breaths. Slower, regulated breathing will help your mind become quiet and your body will relax

Use the following exercises to enhance relaxation and release tension. Practice these alone or in combination with other relaxation techniques.

Breath Counting:

  1. Sit or lie in a comfortable position with your arms or legs uncrossed and your spine straight.
  2. Breathe in deeply, pulling air way down into your abdomen. Let yourself pause before you exhale.
  3. As you exhale, count "One" to yourself. As you continue to inhale and exhale, count each exhalation by saying "Two...Three...Four."
  4. Continue counting your exhalations in sets of four for five to ten minutes.
  5. Notice your breathing gradually slowing, your body relaxing and your mind calming as you practice this breathing meditation.

back to top

The Relaxing Sigh

During the day, you probably catch yourself sighing or yawning, causing you to take deeper breaths. Sighing or yawning are generally signs that you are not getting enough oxygen.

A sigh is often accompanied by a sense that things are not quite as they should be and a feeling of tension. Since a sigh actually does release a bit of tension, you can consciously practice sighing as a means of relaxing.

  1. Sit or stand up straight.
  2. Sigh deeply, letting out a sound of deep relief as the air rushes out of your lungs.
  3. Don't think about inhaling-just let the air come out naturally.
  4. Take eight to twelve of these relaxing sighs and let yourself experience the feeling of relaxation.
  5. Repeat whenever you feel the need for it.

back to top

Tips and Techniques For Coping

Sometime, if you can get your angry or frustrated feeling out either on paper or just a conversation with yourself it can help you to relieve the stress you carry around with you. Try these techniques:

  • Engage in a dialogue with yourself, or with some part of yourself (e.g., Dear Anger ...).
  • Make lists of things, preferably long lists (e.g., 100 Things I Want). Do not stop until you complete your list. The trick is to keep going until you are drained
  • Clustering is a process of starting with a vague of monstrous topic which is written in the middle of the page. From there, branch off into sub-topics until you have a spider all over your page
  • Record everything you can remember of your dreams from the evening before. Some writers use colored pens/pencils to make the dreams stand out.
  • Do not limit yourself to writing ... incorporate drawings, doodles, pictures cut from magazines, etc. GET CREATIVE.
  • Include a list of 5-10 things you were grateful for that day (i.e. I am grateful for...). Gratitude lists can provide you with a new outlook on and an appreciation for life and distract you from focusing on what you do not have.

back to top

Constructive Journaling

Journaling can be an innovative and very personal way to express your innermost thoughts, feelings and reflections A journal or diary can be an outlet for your pain and anxiety as well as your hopes, dreams, and most private feelings.

As you record your own insights and experiences, this form of "self-talk" can provide a way of regaining a sense of control over aspects of your life that may feel out of control. Many people find that journal writing helps them gain new insights and heal past or current emotional pain. Journals are useful in providing a clear path that can show the direction of your personal growth over time or during specific events

Sidebar: If you've never written a journal before, it may feel strange at first. Try to get past that feeling and get into the process. Keep your journal in a safe place if you're worried about someone reading it.

Your journal should be as a reflection of who you are. Below are some suggestions about how to start and maintain a journal as well as some writing techniques and journal prompts that may bring out your creative side.

Getting started

  1. Write your journal in pen. Resist the urge to cross out or bother with correct spelling, punctuation and grammar.
  2. Keep your hand moving. Lose control and DON'T THINK. Just let the words flow from your mind through your hand and onto the paper.
  3. Use a hardbound notebook. Decorate it to your liking. Remember, this book, and all it contains, is a reflection of who YOU are.
  4. Number and date each entry.
  5. Resist the urge to share you journal with ANYONE.
  6. If you have writer's block, use one of these prompts to get you going:
    • I'm afraid...
    • I'm so angry/hurt...
    • I am most proud of myself because...
    • If I could, I would...

back to top