I Am More than my Infertility: 7 Proven Tools for Turning a Life Crisis into a Personal Breakthrough
by Marina Lombardo, LCSW

expected release date 10/1/07 Orlando, FL: Seeds of Growth Press, 2007
http://iammore.net

Foreward by Mark P. Trolice, M.D.

We are challenged on a daily basis by various scenarios, particularly in our professional and personal lives. Those same challenges and our response mold our personality and enable us to adapt and, ultimately, survive. If we are to succeed in life, we learn from our experience to apply to the next obstacle. But the ability to control our destiny is one of our primal instincts as we struggle to seek our life’s purpose.

While it is certainly easy to experience an enriching life with good health, a successful career, and a loving partner, our innate desire to procreate can preoccupy us. As we instinctively attempt to endow our genes we are at once confronted with our own mortality. The consequence of experiencing difficulty in creating a child can easily convert to an obsession to build a family that may become paralyzing. But why does this compulsion develop and often consume the fertility patient while compelling her to stagnation?

Every patient approaches the step to build their family for a personal reason. For some, there is the love of their partner and desire to bring a child they created to share in their life. Others fear mortality and the loss of their lineage. Yet, most women also have the unique biologic urgency to procreate, however complicated to understand by the male. Nevertheless, if a woman feels any or all of these reasons, then the prospect of infertility is often her first and possibly greatest life crisis. Akin, but in many ways worse than cancer or a chronic pain syndrome, infertility has no cure until holding a child.

Despite loving support of a partner, women perceive infertility as a failure in biologic, sexual and social terms. Nary can there be a moment that a childless woman is not reminded of her void through family intrusions, friends’ invitations to baby birthdays and showers, and the social script portrayed on television. Often, women report their dreams being invaded by their longing for a child. Some cultures place such an importance on childbearing, it is accepted for a man to leave his wife in order to seek a more “fertile” partner. Lastly, the inability to procreate can affect sexual identification and confidence. Unfortunately, this latter aspect is displayed by the potential decreasing amount of intimacy and performance anxiety affecting fertility patients.

Following enough frustration and worry, so begins the repetitive and inconvenience of fertility testing and treatment. Women, albeit anxious, welcome the invasiveness. On the contrary, men often are so private they withdraw from visits and physician recommendations. For the minority, months pass into years of waiting for a positive pregnancy test. The agonizing monthly menses becomes commonplace and a paradoxical indifference and fear of the most aggressive options and alternatives can result.

Time begins to stand still.

How we overcome adversity is the measure of our integrity and character. Our motivation to turn “lemons into lemonade” represents optimism and perseverance. Specifically, the challenge that fertility patients endure results from mourning a life that has not been realized. These patients are described as having their faces pressed up against the windows of families while they long to embrace the dream they do not own. Achievement of their goal may require a new perspective, one that was not originally planned.

For over 10 years, I had the unique perspective of being a fertility patient while practicing as a fertility specialist. My passion for the fertility field came first during medical school and has only intensified by my personal struggle. Through years of fertility treatments, my wife and I finally came to closure by adopting our angels. Consequently, I have grown more fervent in assisting others build their family and prevent them from becoming consumed in despair. Realizing there are many ways to establish a family, patients have gained hope through the openness of my own challenge.

Seeing first hand the devastation and overwhelm of fertility couples, I have always firmly believed fertility is a physical, emotional, and financial investment. While the first and third of these commitments are clearly vital, many times the emotional, and spiritual, aspect of a patient’s challenge is neglected. Support for this relationship is demonstrated by medical studies showing improved fertility rates following stress reduction as well as acupuncture. As a result, my practice incorporates a full time Reproductive Health Psychologist and Oriental Medical Doctor of Acupuncture. The reason for this it two-fold: pregnancy rates are seemingly higher; and the quality of life for the patient is approached in a positive and healthy way.

In 2004, I approached Marina Lombardo to be on the faculty of our first annual Fertility Awareness Health Fair. Grown from my passion to empower patients and facilitate recognition, my Fertile Dreams Foundation’s annual event offers a wide range of lectures from acupuncture and adoption to In-vitro Fertilization and egg donation. Marina graciously volunteered her time and spoke on the topic that became the title of this book. This event inspired Marina to realize her dream and develop an entire guide to assist fertility patients.

As a fellow fertility patient and physician, I can attest to the unique approach Marina gives this topic. “I Am More than my Infertility: 7 Proven Tools for Turning a Life Crisis into a Personal Breakthrough” encourages enlightenment and personal discovery during an infertility patient’s arduous journey of closure and resolve. More than a standard support book, Marina offers hope and the inspiration of “tomorrow” rather than being stagnant in “today.”

I applaud Marina’s passion toward encouraging efforts of self-fulfillment regardless of the path life may lead us and am confident her book will allow you to grow and overcome this and other challenges. My credo has always been, “the people who face stress and remain healthy thus perceive change not as a threat but as a challenge and sense of opportunity.” It has and will always be my privilege to be involved in this aspect of a patient’s life as I gain inspiration in watching patients confront and overcome their struggle. Thankfully we can benefit from the excellent ancillary support such as Marina’s to help our patients reach their goals.

Mark P. Trolice, M.D.
Director, Fertility C.A.R.E.
http://www.MyFertilityCare.com
Founder, Fertile Dreams, Inc
http://www.FertileDreams.org